When the Vault Guard Sends the Keys by Email

This short satire was written in response to repeated incidents where those responsible for setting and enforcing security rules fail to follow them—spectacularly and face no consequences whatsoever. It’s a mirror held up to processes where strictness applies only downward, while leadership lives in its own reality of immune mistakes. And honestly, even with a flexible imagination, the original story is hard to believe.

Picture it yourself:
The head of cybersecurity uploaded internal documents into public ChatGPT. Yes, the very person whose sole job is to ensure information doesn’t leak personally carried it out the front door and left it at reception with a sign saying “for anyone.” These weren’t classified documents—just “for internal use.” But that’s like saying you didn’t pour oil into the river, only “a bit of gasoline.”

And now the spicy twist:
The same gentleman previously introduced mandatory lie‑detector tests. He himself failed them. His subordinates were fired like confetti for similar missteps. Him? Still in his chair. Possibly the same one—just with a better view.

Irony Has Many Faces

It’s like a fire inspector who sets the restaurant kitchen on fire “to verify the alarm.”
Like a dietician who eats a two‑kilo pizza in front of you while lecturing about healthy habits, claiming “I’m testing your temptation threshold.”
Like an electrical inspector sticking a fork into a socket to “check the energy flow.”
Like a hygiene officer tasting raw chicken during an audit and declaring it “a mindset issue.”

And then we wonder why first‑grade teachers are expected to use AI responsibly when writing report cards. Should we even demand that, when distinguished gentlemen in distinguished institutions upload documents into chatbots at full speed?
When a teacher does it, and it gets discovered (which, frankly, it usually doesn’t), chaos erupts, and the data‑protection office breaks a sweat.
When it happens up top, what happens then… the word that comes to mind I cannot write here.

Immunity as the Best Security System

The best protection against information leaks?
Hire someone who will leak it themselves—willingly and enthusiastically. Then there’s nothing left to leak.
And the system can continue smoothly: punishment below, “learning opportunities” above.

It’s a fascinating model of risk management:

• The rank is an immune firewall.
• The antivirus blocks criticism, not mistakes.
• The security policy protects the system from everything—except leadership.

And so a special kind of immunity is born.
Not biological.
Not legal.
Immunity by position.

As my grandfather used to say:
“Stupidity knows no rank. But rank knows immunity.”