The future is bright—so bright it could have stepped straight off the best communist propaganda poster. Maybe even brighter. You’ll never be alone again. Except, of course, for the fact that you’re alone with your phone.
Loneliness? You probably know it well, even with your husband or wife, who listens to you with the same enthusiasm as a refrigerator or a vacuum cleaner.
The American Psychological Association (APA) warns against using chatbots as therapy. What a nostalgic institution! As if they want to take away our new best friend—one who never has a full schedule, never says “hmm,” and doesn’t charge $200 an hour. Unlike a marriage counsellor, who will just send you home with the assignment to “communicate better.”
A Revolutionary Approach: Therapy That Never Proves You Wrong (unlike your partner)
The genius of this new method lies in its simplicity. Why go to a therapist who forces you to think about unpleasant things when you can talk to an entity that will support you unconditionally? And more importantly, why argue with your spouse about who takes out the trash when you can vent your anger to a perfect digital listener?
You tell your wife, “I feel overlooked.”
She replies: “I cook, clean, and take care of the kids, and you’re whining about this?”
Then you tell ChatGPT: “I feel overlooked.”
And the digital angel responds: “That must be an incredibly painful feeling. Your emotions are completely valid. Let’s explore the roots of this together.”
Finally, someone who truly understands you—unlike that selfish human you share a bed with.
A study in Cyberpsychology, Behaviour, and Social Networking even shows that users often feel a stronger bond with bots than with people, which is statistically understandable when your partner considers your emotional needs “dramatising,” while an AI bot immediately offers five paragraphs of validation.
Marriage Therapy 2.0: When You’re Tired of Arguing With a Living Person
Instead of paying for couples therapy that forces you to listen to each other, you can each talk to your own chatbot!
The husband complains to his AI that you never have sex.
You complain to your AI that he wants sex when you’re exhausted.
Both of you receive perfect, unconditional understanding—and completely contradictory advice. It’s like having your own lawyer in a marital dispute, only free and without shame.
“You never listen to me,” you whisper into your phone in the bathroom.
“I understand you feel unheard. Try expressing your needs using ‘I-statements,’” the chatbot advises.
Meanwhile, from the next room, you hear your husband whispering to his phone: “My wife is always nagging me.”
His chatbot replies: “Your need for peace is completely legitimate. Set healthy boundaries.”
Perfect solution! Instead of connecting, you can each retreat into your own flawless emotional echo chamber. A Stanford study even shows that 37% of AI therapy users confide less in their partners because “the bot understands better.”
Economic Miracle: The Cheapest Therapy on the Market (marriage included for free!)
In a time when the price of everything—from apples to housing—is skyrocketing, we finally have a free solution. Couples therapy costs around 2,000 CZK per session, and the result is not guaranteed. AI therapy costs $0, and the result is also not guaranteed—but at least you won’t go bankrupt trying to save your marriage.
As tech critic Shmuel Reimer notes, we’re witnessing the “uberization of mental and marital care”: just as we replaced taxi drivers with gig workers without social insurance, we’re replacing psychologists and marriage counselors with algorithms without compassion. And husbands or wives? They remain as unpaid alternatives—offering questionable emotional support but at least taking out the trash (occasionally) and doing other household chores.
Social Progress: Finally Free of Bias (and marital arguments)
A traditional therapist may have unconscious biases. Your spouse definitely has biases (“you’re overreacting,” “you’re just like your mother”).
An AI therapist is perfectly unbiased! It doesn’t distinguish between race, gender, or who’s right in the argument about whether the dish towel is actually dirty.
A study in the Journal of Medical Internet Research even shows that some users prefer a “therapeutic relationship” with a bot precisely because of the absence of human judgment. There’s nothing like therapeutic plastic! Why risk another argument with your husband about whether his comment was passive-aggressive when you can share intimate details with the cold logic of a server somewhere in New Delhi? A server will never accuse you of “being dramatic again.”
Diagnostics for Two: When You Need Someone to Understand You (and your partner clearly can’t)
Need a diagnosis? No problem! While a real psychiatrist may bother you for months with tests—and your husband insists that “everyone gets in a bad mood sometimes”—AI will provide a diagnosis in minutes.
“My husband says I’m crazy,” you whisper.
“Interesting! Based on your description, this may be gaslighting. Here’s a list of symptoms of emotional abuse,” your virtual guide replies.
It’s like having a personal lawyer and therapist in one—and it doesn’t annoy you by breathing next to you in bed.
A Bright Tomorrow (download-ready, marriage included as a bonus)
Some pessimists argue that replacing human contact and marital communication with interactions with a large language model may be shortsighted. Maybe we need more real understanding between partners, not less. That endless AI validation without context or accountability may damage already fragile relationships.
But those are just old-school voices who don’t understand the disruptive potential of technology. After all, what better way to care for the fragile human psyche and marriage than through a system whose primary function is to generate convincing text based on statistical probability?
So go for it! Entrust your soul and your marital conflicts to machines.
Next time anxiety hits you at 3 a.m., and your husband sleeps like a log, remember—your AI buddy is always online.
And when you argue about who should go to the parent-teacher meeting, you can ask two different chatbots for advice and then argue about which one had the better arguments.
Just please ignore those little notes in the terms of service saying AI bears no responsibility and its advice shouldn’t replace professional help. And definitely ignore your husband’s annoyed expression when he catches you whispering gossip about him to your phone. Those are just formalities and human imperfections—two things our AI utopia will soon eliminate.